Worrying

Today is a day of mounting anxiety.  I feel it in my tummy as it literally ties itself in knots, and a pressure, building deep in my belly, rises slowly in my chest like thick fog rolls inward to fill whatever gaps lie in a landscape.  I thought I’d be diligent, even if I’m procrastinating on a little something called writing, by looking over some documents regarding my house, my student loans, and my wedding list.  Oh, silly me.  The last time I ventured into this mess of things I ended up in bed, tears down my face as I desperately tried to breathe some calm into an out-of-control beating heart.  Truth be told, I’m a natural worrier – a person who settles on details, imagines thousands of possibilities and outcomes, and whittles away the hours figuring out schemes to ensure that everything turns out just right, or at least ok.  Truth be told, I’ve faced harder situations than what now confronts me.  And, truth be told, what lies ahead in my immediate future is thrilling and awe-some, in its original and beautiful sense of inspiring awe, in part because I’ll no longer worry about different lists or activities by myself.  I have a wonderful and caring partner with whom I’ll scheme and build and live and love.  {Pause here.  Reread last two sentences.  Amazing.}

While I know that general optimism, common sense, and a yogic practice predominantly balance out my worrying habits, I find it hard to shake off this moment.  So how to fend off the anxiety attack that threatens?  First step: write.  Confront this moment, give voice to these concerns, and remember that I am stronger than this.  (Remember that, in fact, I partially construct this.)  Second step: step on my mat.  Settle into my bones, find my ground, and work this tension out of my body.

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2 thoughts on “Worrying

  1. Marriage is amazing, wonderful, difficult and something I would enter into again and again (with the same man, of course!)! Us against the world is how I view my partnership with my husband, no matter the up’s and down’s. I am sending calming, loving thoughts your way! Much love to you!!!

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