‘I’ll spin you right round, baby, right round’

Today I did something I haven’t done in years: I flopped backwards on my bed, put my hands over my face, and screamed.  I then rolled over and screamed into a pillow.  Now I just feel drained,  and I badly want a stiff drink.

Do you ever have one of those days where seemingly nothing goes according to plan?  Usually, I can deal with it.  I breathe in and out.  I remind myself to be present.  I take a little time to appreciate the small and beautiful things that ordinarily occur without incident.  But today’s mess has been building for…about two weeks.  And I think it’s been building on my back.  My upper back feels so tight, knotted, and heavy that I feel as though I’m carrying some weighty wood carving that settles perfectly into my bones and grows thicker by the day.   I hit the mat, I open and extend and lengthen my spine, and I find relief.  Sort of.  The carving is back three hours later.

Yoga is keeping me sane.  My students and loved ones are keeping me light.  I’ll have to be patient to shed this totem.  In the meantime I’ll find my breath and focus on the sources of beauty and joy that remain present.  And I just might get that drink.

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